The limerent reaction (referring to the state of being “in love”) begins, usually at a point discernible at the time and later recalled. Sexual attraction as such need not be experienced, although (a) the person is someone you view as a possible sexual partner, and (b) the initial “admiration” may be, or seem to be, primarily physical attraction.
Once limerence begins, you find yourself thinking about the LO (the Limerent Other: the current love object) and receiving considerable pleasure in the process. There is an initial phase in which you feel buoyant, elated, and, ironically, for this appears to be the beginning of an essentially involuntary process, free. Free not only from the usual restraints of gravity, but emotionally unburdened. You may be attracted to more than one potential LO. You feel that your response is a result of LO’s fine qualities.
With evidence of reciprocation from LO, you enjoy a state of extreme pleasure, even euphoria. Your thoughts are mainly occupied with considering and reconsidering what you may find attractive in LO, replaying whatever events may have thus far transpired between you and LO, and appreciating qualities in yourself which you perceive as possibly having sparked interest in you on the part of LO. (It is at this point in West Side Story that Maria, the contemporary Juliet, sings I Feel Pretty.)
Your degree of involvement increases if obstacles are externally imposed or if you doubt LO’s feelings for you. Only if LO were to be revealed as highly undesirable might your limerence subside. Usually, with some degree of doubt its intensity rises further, and you reach the stage at which the reaction is virtually impossible to dislodge, either by your own act of will, or by further evidence of LO’s undesirable qualities. This is what Stendhal called crystallisation. The doubt and increased intensity of limerence undermine your former satisfaction with yourself. You acquire new clothes, change your hairstyle, and are receptive to any suggestion by which you might increase your own desirability in LO’s eyes. You are inordinately fearful of rejection.
With increases in doubt interspersed with reason to hope that reciprocation may indeed occur, everything becomes intensified, especially your preoccupation with percentages. At 100% you are mooning about, in either a joyful or a despairing state, preferring your fantasies to virtually any other activity unless it is (a) acting in ways that you believe will help you attain your limerent objective, such as beautifying yourself and, therefore increasing the probability that you will impress LO favourably during your interaction, or (b) actually being in the presence of LO. Your motivation to attain a “relationship” (mating, or pair bond) continues to intensify so long as a “proper” mix of hope and uncertainty exist.
At any point in the process, if you perceive reciprocation, your degree of involvement ceases to rise — until, of course, you become uncertain again. The timid partners may attempt to conceal from each other the full nature of the reaction that has seized them, preventing full reciprocation in each other’s eyes and allowing the intensity to increase.
It’s weird that whenever I go up to people I know fairly well and start talking to them, their friends (who are mostly strangers to me) freak out. Like, actually. In their defense, I am a boy trying to talk to mostly younger girls. But still.
Like this afternoon, I went up to a friend of mine (shottsss Aya) and randomly took her phone. She proceeds to ask what I was doing. Being the cool gentleman that I am, I smugly replied, “Looking at all your messages.” [You know young girls with their secrets. I expected her to freak out. My bad, she was way too cool to do that.] Suddenly, her friend was like, in a very polite way, I might add, told me to very kindly mind my own business. Well, she was neither kind or polite, but allgoods; she probably thought I was harassing her best friend.
And I was told that this girl who I barely knew pulled the finger at me for no reason. All this because I chose to talk to their friends and that she didn’t know me that well. I wonder what I was doing then?
It’s like I look like a random pedo! Can you not tell that the person’s reciprocating? If I was actually a pedo, they would be screaming “RAPEEE!” or something to that effect. I pretty pretty please hope that these people explain the situation further.
I know you feel that life is hard. And that you don’t like trying new things, because it’s just weird and embarassing. I know that you can’t do anything outside the academic field. But that’s your fault. We all know that the only reason you’re good at that is because it’s the only thing you’ve been forced to do consistently since you were a kid.
I’m not particularly sure how critical talent is. And you keep telling yourself that you only ever have one talent, and that’s the only one that you’re going to pursue. And that everything else that you’re gonna try to do will suck. You’ll never be as good as the person teaching you. You tell yourself that it will be a massive waste of time.
Something weird will probably happen this week. Something that will hurt your feelings, or make you want to give up. Someone’s gonna be mean to you, or not give you the time of day. People are gonna tell you something insensitive. You’ll get told off ten trillion times while you learn to drive. It’s not like crap like that has never happened to you before. Your life sucks.
Aww, poor you. I understand what you’re going through. There’s only one thing I’ve got to say. SUCK IT UP, you whiny little whiner. Go sell your vanity, and buy yourself a pint of humility. You’re not that awesome. Stop trying to act cool and like nothing fazes you.
I hope that made you feel better. Seriously. Whining isn’t gonna help. Being a martyr isn’t gonna help. Keeping it all inside doesn’t make you strong. But exploding won’t be any good either.
Honestly, it’s worth it. So suck it up. Let your dad shout at you everytime you make a little mistake while driving. Don’t avoid or ignore the people who’s only purpose in life seem to make you feel like crap. When people don’t love you as much as you love them, get over it. Keep learning how to dance even though you have no talent for it. Work out even though you’re a nerd. Do what you want.
Life is hard. You know how it can get better? Keep living through the crap. Take life in and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Act like you’ve got so many things to learn. I hear being tough and humble at the same time looks attractive. Make sure people know you’re both.